2 posts tagged “oops”

Coffee is a fairly regular event for me; I'm not necessarily a cup-a-day gal, but at least a cup every other day, and especially on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays, my early days.  So when, on Thursday, I ran out of coffee for the first time ever, I knew we had a potentially dangerous situation on our hands.  However, I'm an idiot and forgot to get to the store, and so Friday morning came along with my 9:00am Spanish class, and I went uncaffeinated and unprepared to discuss anything in Spanish.  The initial "conversation" with my profesora that we start every class with went woefully bad; I hate being the student that answers every questions with "uh" or "yes" or "what?"  So Friday night a trip to the grocery store was more than necessary.

Usually my grandmother buys me coffee, and I love what she gets me, so I grabbed a bag of that.  (I know a great deal about drinking coffee--pour it in a cup, bring cup to mouth, sip carefully, still manage to burn inside of mouth, swallow, repeat--but I know nothing about coffee.)  I think I did notice something about "AMERICA'S FAVORITE WHOLE BEAN COFFEE OMGZ YAY!" on the bag (probably minus the "omgz yay"), but I just thought these were silly marketing terms: of course the coffee is made from whole beans, I thought, and happily purchased my coffee.

This morning I woke up at a not-so-early 11 in the morning (hey, I did go to bed at 3, okay?) and decided that nothing would be better than a Saturday morning-ish cup of coffee.  I start to open the bag, again notice the words "WHOLE BEAN" plastered all over the bag--geez, they are really pushing that issue, eh?--and notice, "Well, this feels lumpy."  And then I open the bag and notice AMERICA'S FAVORITE.... whole beans.  You know.  As in beans, that are whole, and not ground.  Oops...

So I did what any self-respecting college student caffeine junkie would do:  I put some beans in a ziploc bag, grabbed a hammer (note that I did not miss an opportunity to say out loud, "Stop!  It's hammer time,"), and went outside in all my morning fug to bang the shit out of some coffee beans, and to hell with whoever sees me doing this (which ultimately included all passing traffic on Highway 119 and one of my male neighbors).

This process yielded a not-so-fine-but-possibly-workable coffee crumble, which I have tossed in the coffee maker and am about to enjoy taste experience.

I wish the sentences "Today I am going to be filmed for a television program that's going to be aired nationally" and "Today I have not one, but count them, two pimples" weren't statements that would both happen to be true on the same day, but alas, they are.  And today, friends, is that day.

Ah, well.  Wish me luck on my solid 45-60 seconds of talking, people!