Mine is the most hilarious boyfriend in all the land.

Never having been a churchgoing gal until I got a job in a church choir in college, I don't know much about Biblical stories.  Fortunately, my homeschooled-yet-rebellious boyfriend is all up on the Bible knowledge, so if I ever need to know something, I can ask him.  One of my books commented on the use of music as a relaxation technique throughout history by referencing David and King Saul.  I asked Brian to explain this story to me.  Here's his version, straight from the Yahoo messenger window:

"david was a shepherd for his father and wahtev, and there's the war going on with the philistines and it's all a big deal
we're talking saving private ryan here.
and david was a well known for his music abilities like playing lute on the hillside n shit.
totall hippie
but a bad ass none the less...and see this is why it can't be true, because there are stories of how he killed like, a bear with his bare hands, and killed a lion with his famous sling.
musicians are nowhere near that physical
so he's hanging out somewhere near the war zone, i guess cause his brother was fighting
that was it, he used to take shit to his brothers at the battle.
and the king was in his tent all stressin out cause they were getting their chosen asses kicked
y'know they were the chosen people
so david's all I'll play music for the king and he'll be all chill and then you guys can fight again
so they bring him in and he plays some blues and a little classic rock just to set the mood.
he gets things goin and everybody's much happier and david's all "in" for helping the king
then he goes wacko and says "oh I can defeat the big giant dude with my sling!"
you know the rest."

If church told stories that way, everyone would go!